Stupid Horror Movies That Should Be Books

Just a disclaimer:

I haven't watched any of these movies. They just look stupid, but I'd totally pay to read them as books.

1. Chain Letter (2010)

I found this on my Letterboxd feed, much to my chagrin, but later amusement. It's a horror about teenagers who get chased down, stalked, and murdered if they don't forward this chain letter.

Yeah. 

YEAH.

And here's the kicker: he murders them... with chains.

Point is, the gore is apparently decent. I'm sorry, but no gore is decent. 

I'm sure if someone feels the need to write this as a book, it'll be AWESOME. Sort of like a book about diseases. (Lauren Oliver, are you listening?) Don't disappoint, future writer, please don't.

2. Psychosis (2010)

"A serial killer unleashes his blood lust at a remote environmental camp. Years later a horror novelist relocates to rural England and is plagued to the point of madness by horrific hauntings of a massacre.

Dear god, think of how awesome this book could be! Like a interestingly terrible Stephen King book.

Knowing how most indie movies go, this is probably unfortunately full of suck.

Anyone care to write a short story with this synopsis? I will give you a pint of baby blood if you do.

3. The Manitou (1978)


This is the description for the movie, verbatim:

"Possession marked The Exorcist. Demonaic Pregenacy erupted Rosemary's Baby. Warnings followed The Omen. And The Manitou has it all combined!

A psychic's girlfriend finds out that a lump on her back is a growing reincarnation of a 400 year-old demonic Native American spirit."

If you think I'm lying, I'll tell you one thing: I cannot even make this crap up. But seriously, okay, does this not sound like a better version of Twilight? Instead of a demonic half-vampire baby in Bella's stomach, we have a 400 year-old spirit not in her womb, but on her back. I have never gotten pregnant on my back. That is so freaking awesome. Twilight fan-fic extraordinaires, PLEASE try to write this in somewhere!!








 4. Troll 2 (1990)

For the record, this is a sequel, but this was too great to pass up.

"The original boogeyman is back.

A young child is terrified to discover that a planned family trip is to be haunted by vile plant-eating monsters out of his worst nightmare..."

This MIGHT be scary if the kid on the poster didn't look like he had to take a dump.

And what the... these scary monsters eat plants? MOTHER HUMPING PLANTS? Vegetarians are NOT scary. Okay, so they might be scary when they knock on your door trying to coerce you to join PETA or some crap, but still. No.

Just no.

However- this could be a fricking amazing satire. Just think what Terry Prachett could do with this crap! Yes! Please- Harvard Lampoon, are you interested? I know you wrote Hunger Pains- I'd like you to write this, too.


5. Rise of the Animals (2011)

Do I even need to post the synopsis? Okay, fine.

"Bambi doesn't want a fucking salad.

In a world where animals have turned on humanity, a teen travels across the country in search of the girl of his dreams."

I can't even.

No.

But, if you stick  some awesome author on it- Carrie Ryan or Kendare Blake (The Forest of Hands and Teeth and Anna Dressed in Blood) this is bound to scare the crap out of me. No dip.

In conclusion:

Books make everything better.

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Do you have a suggestion for Stupid... That Should Be Books? Contact me with info!

Wattpad Books that are Better than Published Ones

Forgive the long title, but after reading it, you're probably thinking that I'm off my rocker. This is not the case, no! I am in fact, 100% sure that the following Wattpad books are worth reading.

If you don't know what Wattpad is, it's an online site where people can post their stories, and gain support along the way. In the digital age nowadays, self-publishing is becoming easier and easier, and when you do so, you prove to real publishers that you already have a market. That's where Wattpad comes in.

Wattpad is useful because you basically gain harems when it comes to your fans. These fans can give testimonials to agents, publishers, etc.

ANYWAY, I'm just mentioning this because I ENJOY READING STORIES ON WATTPAD. For those who understand the notoriety of the stories on Wattpad, you're probably virtually kicking me in the liver right now.

Here are a few stories that I read, and freaking loved, that I think you need to read too.

1. Conduit by Hope-Adon

This is number one because it's great. I have no other adjectives for it. There's surprisingly no bad grammar or spelling (yay.) Though there are obviously some areas for improvement, (like it can be confusing at first, and she doesn't really re-mention important things) I actually really want this book on my shelf, if it ever gets published.

Not with that cover, obviously (because you can easily tell it was made in GIMP with the Supernova effect) but still. READ IT.

2. The Replacement Girlfriend by AubreyEatsHearts

This. Book. Is. Adorable! At times it reminds me Anna and the French Kiss which I am currently reading. For being a romance, the romance is really on the backburner, and it's really cute. It's somewhat episodic, being a Wattpad book that is released in chapters, but I think that's nice.

P.S. It's not finished yet, so you'll have to keep checking back on this one!

3. Believe Me, I'm Lying by XxSkater2Girl16xX

Okay, I realize that the author's username is somewhat sketchy and denotes what may be a fanfiction account, but she really is a good writer.

It's a really cute romance, and it's not even erotica, for being so popular on Wattpad! (yay.) In fact, I think there's only like, one kiss. But that's beside the point. This book was really fun to read on the airplane, and a really nice break from all the authors who try to hard to write. (Are you trying to write The Epic of Gilgamesh or are you trying to write for fourteen year olds, your main audience?)

4. The Lost Boys by liliancarmine

This book is pretty long, so I just skimmed it, but it really is a good book. It's about music, love, and paranormalness. And, of course, an amazingly headstrong girl. Nothing much more to say.

I skipped a few chapters in this book, but I who doesn't do that?

5. I Sold Myself to the Devil for Vinyls... Pitiful I Know by Darkness and Light

Sigh... what can I say about this book? You have to be.... open-minded. That's a disclaimer right there.

Sure, there are a lot of mistakes. And I mean a lot not as in, "I have a lot of fingers!" No. I mean a lot as in "A lot of people in America are fat." That being said, read this book for its content, because you might like what you find. Besides the conventions, the writing is very smart, as is the dialogue. (Of course the big reveal isn't all that showy, but GOD. Is the romantic suspense amazing!)

This book is also really long, so I recommend just skimming it.

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Here's your funny video for the week. OBAMA SINGS CALL ME MAYBE